The journey of life has its twists and turns, its lefts and rights and of course its ups and downs. A very common place I often landed after the hike through the shadows was a memory of collected moments. This was a memory that came up when I allowed my mind to expand. When I allowed my mind to hold onto the fact that "this too shall pass" and then there it was the memory of moments. Some dark and twisted some light and fluid.
I've had my share of trauma and I held steadfast onto fear. I've made terrible mistakes that led to even worse consequences. I've told my story of fear and trauma to a million people who told it to a million more. I painted a million villains in my story refusing the villain in my own character.
The moments that were light and fluid I never shared in writing. I kept them sacred for only those who crossed my touchable path. I kept them in a box locked away. Like so many I could count my traumas and disassociate from what was good in my life. Don't get me wrong, I could have mini moments of "counting my blessings" or feeling grateful but when it came to my public outcry I focused on the pain. I made a decision when I turned 40 to change, change everything that I had created in my world of make believe. For the past five years I have stripped away every bit of who I am. I have started my life over in every possible way and I have hurt more than the 40 years that came before.
This pain was different. This pain was the pain of ripping off old habits, healing scars that were embedded deep into the blood and tissue of my soul. There were moments that scared many of my friends and family and shit I do not blame them. However each of those moments led me to higher ground, deeper understanding and a connection to real joy. Each time I lost my footing and felt desperate with the pain of my metamorphosis I came out the other side a better version of me, leaving behind a new uncovered fear that once controlled my life. I am at the end of this metamorphosis and I can feel the real me starting to emerge. I no longer hold onto what it may look like or fear the unknown. I am just an observer of my own life and I no longer resist or fear ME, the I AM.
The Feast will be a published book one day about what life can truly become once you let go. It's about overcoming The Beast and living life moment by moment taking in the light. This blog will be parts of that journey revealing truths as they are needed to be shared. You can learn about "The Beast" here: